Basic rules 1. Never ever propose in a baseball stadium. EVER 2. Give her the proposal SHE wants, not the one YOU THINK she wants 3. Do not assume you know what she wants, but I do 4. She doesn't know what she wants, but I do 5. I always find out what she wants. ALWAYS 6. Don’t hide from me any personal details on her, especially the crispy sexual info, I need it 7. All the information gathered on you and your girlfriend will remain strictly confidential… Unless you become President 8. I don’t handle the future-father-in-law discussion; you’re on your own Basic rules – investing in the future 9. You don’t have to buy a new suit, or break the bank for the restaurant…But at least, make an effort 10. The effort is not in the amount, but in the sacrifice 11. Do not take on a loan for your proposal, I don’t like dealing with bankers 12. You should only get married once… it’s cheaper! 13. Always think about what you’ll tell your children: they don’t want to hear that Daddy proposed in a Starbucks… 14. … Unless Daddy met Mommy in a Starbucks… Or Daddy owns Starbucks, Inc. 15. It is not ok to lie about the way you proposed The Deadline Rules 16. There is no deadline to propose: You can do it after 1 day, you can do it after 20 years 17. But never do it too late! Otherwise she’ll think you’re afraid of commitment 18. And do it when she does not expect it anymore 19. But don’t propose the moment you meet… at least until you do a background check 20. The time is precious only at the precise time The Ring & the Box Rules 21. Get the ring she wants, not the one you like 22. Size does not matter… At least for the ring 23. Give her the ring when she wants it the most … But also when she expects it the least 24. No ring in any drinkable or edible material, and absolutely no plastic ring 25. Make sure the box opens easily and make sure the box creates the right expectation (no bows, no box-in-a-box-in-a-box) The Night of the Proposal Rules 26. Never wear too much Cologne, and don’t wear a new suit. Or at least take off the tag 27. Don’t order alcohol, unless it’s Champagne. And let her drink. Just pretend you drink 28. If she says “yes” under the influence, it still counts 29. Unless you don’t remember it yourself The Night of the Proposal – Where and when to propose Rules 30. Never ever propose in a baseball stadium. EVER. Yes, this rules appears twice 31. I do not do Vegas proposals. Ask Elvis for those 32. You can propose in a subway train… but not between 2 cars; you can propose while scuba diving… but do it in shallow water; you can propose while skiing… but do it far from trees 33. Never leave the target alone. Never! 34. Wait until you feel she’s ready (and that’s not dessert, necessarily) 35. Make her wish the dinner would last forever 36. … But cut it short with the question she’ll remember all her life (If you respect the following rules) The Night of the Proposal – How to say it and what to say Rules 37. You can use the moon or a smoke plane if you can afford it, you can even use a sing-a-song telegram 38. But if you just say it yourself, do not mumble, do not spit on her, do not eat and talk, and absolutely avoid garlic 39. Make it sound natural: Do not make it sound as an order (Always put the question mark at the end) The Client & Application Rules 40. I never accept speed-dating clients (too shallow) 41. I never accept dating-website clients (too risky)… But I accept credit cards 42. Fill out the forms… all of them and read the Rules – learn them by heart. There will be a test at the end 43. Never reveal that I work for you, it’s bad for my reputation 44. I do not want a reputation! The Pricing Rules 45. Pricing is based on the scenario you choose, nothing more; pricing is not based on how many times you propose: If you fail the first time, it’s my fault, not yours 46. I will help you get a “yes”, whatever the number of times you have to propose 47. But I never fail the first time 48. All my fees are reimbursed if you get divorced (Not the restaurant or hotel bills, though. Sorry) 49. None of my clients have ever divorced: Do not be the one to set a precedent 50. When in doubt, ask me: I’ll make up a new rule if you need it   # 51: Never take a woman as a client # 52: Never fall in love with your client